There is not too much to say on this topic except be thoughtful, be aware and don’t be stupid. If you are in this together, do it together or at least be clear about your partners wants and needs before you go out and act all independently about this decision.
The strange thing is of course I knew it was a mistake, in hindsight. It soooo wasn’t the way I wanted it to go down, but it’s the truth none the less of what happened.
Nine days after the insemination I drove Cheryl to work and was feeling so extremely nauseous. It was never something I had experienced before so I chalked it up to waking up too early and eating a giant greasy burger and fries the night before.
Secretly as I drove home I wondered and pretended in my mind I may be pregnant! I rubbed my womb and let myself imagine it the whole way home.
And then I decided to let it go.
I had heard from other friends who had done this whole rigamarole before that you go crazy waiting for confirmations and signs- My breasts feel bigger! Don’t my nipples look darker? I’m more hormonal then ever….I MUST BE PREGNANT! I had been warned not to over identify with the feelings and over excite myself just to be let down time and time again with the big NO. So I went on with my day. But something lurked behind everything I did, this nagging possibility so at 1pm I decided I would pee on one of those little sticks we bought in bulk and just test it out. We had so many of them why not just pee on one and see what happens? It will just confirm I’m not pregnant and I’ll just go on with my day.
So I peed on the stick, it wasn’t the easy to read kind, it had a sliding chart colour scale and I was really unclear what the hell tone of pinky
it was. Could they make this ANY more challenging. Just then Cheryl called on her break.
“Hey baby whatcha doing?”
“Oh it’s so funny you called right now I just peed on the stick thing for fun to test out if I’m pregnant, cause I’m obviously not, but I just wanted to do it and I really can’t tell what shade it is…the chart is really inconclusive. Could they make it any more difficult! Seriously. Whatever. Anyway, how’s your day lover?”
“Wait, you just peed on the stick?!!” (Alarm in voice)
“Ahhhhhh….. yeah… “ (Realization that I was really stupid setting in!)
“But you can’t tell if your pregnant or not? ‘Cause the colour isn’t clear? I don’t understand.”
“No, it’s like I’m half pregnant? Is that possible? The shade is somewhere in between colours, I may have left it too long now so it’s changing more. I don’t know. But I can’t be pregnant we only tried a couple times at like 10pm at night. I was exhausted.”
“Ok. Ok. Ok. so…..my break is over now and I have to get back to work and now you’re saying you might be pregnant…. There is no half pregnant. You are or your not.”
“Right, um, …well I’m not then. I’m sorry, just forget it, don’t worry about it. It’s probably too early to test anyway so we’ll wait a couple days buy a real stick thing and do it together ok?”
“Did you really think this was a good idea? Did you think this through? I’m at work!”
“No….I……just…..ahhh. Yea….well, I’m so sorry. Call me on your lunch, ok? I can text you the picture of the stick, you can see for yourself…..”
“Un huh. Ok. I’ll talk to you later.” CLICK
Yep, I’m stupid, this was so unromantical and a really crap way to find out if I was actually pregnant.
So I got off the phone and sent her a text with the photo of the stick, thinking this would ease her anxiety!
Though it was unclear to me. As she stood in a room of 16 screaming, rambunctious 2 year olds, this photo confirmed to Cheryl that we were in fact pregnant.
I was feeling nauseas but meanwhile Cheryl was the one who threw up. As she had to spend the rest of the day at work processing this information.
So after work I picked up my loving, overwhelmed partner with a coffee and chocolate. We exchanged some words and I ate humble pie and we drove to Shopper’s Drug mart to get the one line/ two line easy to read pregnancy package and did a do over.
We were still in shock but at least we were in shock together!