How NOT to tell your mate you’re pregnant!

There is not too much to say on this topic except be thoughtful, be aware and don’t be stupid. If you are in this together, do it together or at least be clear about your partners wants and needs before you go out and act all independently about this decision.

The strange thing is of course I knew it was a mistake, in hindsight. It soooo wasn’t the way I wanted it to go down, but it’s the truth none the less of what happened.

Nine days after the insemination I drove Cheryl to work and was feeling so extremely nauseous. It was never something I had experienced before so I chalked it up to waking up too early and eating a giant greasy burger and fries the night before.

Secretly as I drove home I wondered and pretended in my mind I may be pregnant! I rubbed my womb and let myself imagine it the whole way home.

And then I decided to let it go.

I had heard from other friends who had done this whole rigamarole before that you go crazy waiting for confirmations and signs- My breasts feel bigger! Don’t my nipples look darker? I’m more hormonal then ever….I MUST BE PREGNANT! I had been warned not to over identify with the feelings and over excite myself just to be let down time and time again with the big NO. So I went on with my day. But something lurked behind everything I did, this nagging possibility so at 1pm I decided I would pee on one of those little sticks we bought in bulk and just test it out. We had so many of them why not just pee on one and see what happens? It will just confirm I’m not pregnant and I’ll just go on with my day.

So I peed on the stick, it wasn’t the easy to read kind, it had a sliding chart colour scale and I was really unclear what the hell tone of pinky

first test

first test

it was. Could they make this ANY more challenging. Just then Cheryl called on her break.

“Hey baby whatcha doing?”

“Oh it’s so funny you called right now I just peed on the stick thing for fun to test out if I’m pregnant, cause I’m obviously not, but I just wanted to do it and I really can’t tell what shade it is…the chart is really inconclusive. Could they make it any more difficult! Seriously. Whatever. Anyway, how’s your day lover?”

Long pause

“Wait, you just peed on the stick?!!” (Alarm in voice)

“Ahhhhhh….. yeah… “ (Realization that I was really stupid setting in!)

“But you can’t tell if your pregnant or not? ‘Cause the colour isn’t clear? I don’t understand.”

“No, it’s like I’m half pregnant? Is that possible? The shade is somewhere in between colours, I may have left it too long now so it’s changing more. I don’t know. But I can’t be pregnant we only tried a couple times at like 10pm at night. I was exhausted.”

“Ok. Ok. Ok. so…..my break is over now and I have to get back to work and now you’re saying you might be pregnant…. There is no half pregnant. You are or your not.”

“Right, um, …well I’m not then.  I’m sorry, just forget it, don’t worry about it. It’s probably too early to test anyway so we’ll wait a couple days buy a real stick thing and do it together ok?”

“Did you really think this was a good idea? Did you think this through? I’m at work!”

“No….I……just…..ahhh. Yea….well, I’m so sorry. Call me on your lunch, ok? I can text you the picture of the stick, you can see for yourself…..”

“Un huh. Ok. I’ll talk to you later.” CLICK

Yep, I’m stupid, this was so unromantical and a really crap way to find out if I was actually pregnant.

So I got off the phone and sent her a text with the photo of the stick, thinking this would ease her anxiety!

Though it was unclear to me. As she stood in a room of 16 screaming, rambunctious 2 year olds, this photo confirmed to Cheryl that we were in fact pregnant.

I was feeling nauseas but meanwhile Cheryl was the one who threw up. As she had to spend the rest of the day at work processing this information.

So after work I picked up my loving, overwhelmed partner with a coffee and chocolate. We exchanged some words and I ate humble pie and we drove to Shopper’s Drug mart to get the one line/ two line easy to read pregnancy package and did a do over.

I peed on the stick. She looked. It was two lines.  Two  big, fat, pulsating pink lines! I peed on another colour strip, it was definitely pink. I WAS PREGNANT! For reals!  First times a charm! test 2- affirmative!

 We were still in shock but at least we were in shock together!

Advertisements

Find a Good Man…..and Snag His Sperm

the sacred sperm

When I was a little girl I never dreamed of my pure white wedding or my handsome husband but I did dream about being a mom and owning a car dealership or being an actress named Victoria or Taylor. And I was completely clear if I did end up in a relationship, that the person I would be with, would above all else, want to be an active parent.

At least two of these dreams came true…so far…who knows I could still become a famous car dealing actress named Victoria.

But even a couple years before I met my partner, I was in my late 20’s and was attempting to make sense of my future, inspired by my travels and bohemian lifestyle, I decided I would pick a place to travel to and get knocked up.

I thought when I was ready I would meditate and then ask where I was to meet my sperm daddy and open up the map and point. This seemed to me like the most divine plan. I’d time my cycles and just take a chance. It was the ultimate choose your own adventure! Who knew who I would meet and how I would lure that man. I wasn’t too concerned in my fantasy world with the karmic implications of using some dude, any dude, for my own dream fulfillment and walking away without letting him know my plan or getting a medical profile or history, now that is REAL TRUST I thought!

And  when I casually mentioned this plan to my mom one day, always supportive, and always ready to hop a plane, she said “We’ll that’s one way to do it. I’ll come with you and help pick the right guy!” So it was settled my conception plan in place. (Wipe sweat off brow and sigh with relief!)

When I met my partner at 29, Cheryl Loversauce (25), she was adamantly opposed to my traveling around the world and getting knocked up plan, even if she was able to help me scope out our potential SD (sperm donor). So that plan crumbled to the wayside. We both wanted to create a family together so we had to find another plan.

At least for us it was not a difficult decision of who was going to provide the womb. I know this can be a complex decision making process for other two womb families but Cheryl was really clear she wanted to be a parent first and foremost and I had the baby making ache for as long as I can recall so that part, thankfully, was easy… this round.

We checked out the ONLY SPERM BANK IN ALL OF CANADA! With apparently only 35 donors (http://www.thegridto.com/city/local-news/down-for-the-count/)

Repromed: The Toronto Institute for Reproductive Medicine- www.repromed.ca 

And looked at some profiles, pictures from newborn to 30’s, dating type profiles and voice samples.  I wanted a finger print analysis and hand writing sample but that wasn’t included sadly! The whole thing was not exactly how we wanted it to go down but what’s a lesbian couple to do!

Then one day I was at a yoga class lying Savasna and it hit me like a ton of bricks….I DON’T want to PAY for sperm! WTF!

And Cheryl and I had shared the feeling that we would like to have our child know where they came from biologically, touch the skin of the other part of their DNA. We didn’t need another parent but there was something to the child being able to create a relationship if they wanted to, and knowing where they came from.

So after some discussion it was settled. We wanted a REAL MAN! A real live person with swimming swimmers that didn’t have to be thawed alive again and a laugh we could hear and skin we could touch and the freedom to inseminate in our own home, on our own terms.

We were truly blessed indeed. We had a couple potential males that could be candidates but in the end it came down to one. One “real man”, sperm donor, or as I will call him, Skippy Swimmerton. Skippy was handsome. (Not that it is all about looks here!) He shared our values, was kind, smart, thoughtful and creative and in our lives already.

All we had to do was ask!

Toronto Fertility Clinic Information:

  • Dr. Anthony Auyeung– Private Fertility Clinic- 416-260-2004-  Smaller clinic in a old home in the Annex. More intimate and comfortable then the “clinical” feeling of the “take a number” below mentioned clinics.
  • Create:  www.creativf.com– Has an easy to comprehend Guidebook for LGBTQ people on website.

**SIDE NOTE: You can order sperm through the States that has a much bigger selection…links to follow**

Fertility Enriching Foods for All

fish for thought

WILD SALMONOmega-3Fatty Acids

  • Supports blood flow to reproductive organs and keeps men’s swimmers swimming!
  • Lower in mercury then other fish

**Omega-3 fatty acids’s also have been known to  support babies in having a lower risk of food allergies and eczema and support healthy brain development if taken while pregnant

http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/pregnancy+parenting/pregnancy+advice/do+pregnant+women+need+omega+3r,17817

_________________________________________________________________________________

brown rice

WHOLE GRAINS OR BROWN RICE (for a gluten free diet)- Carbs

  • Complex carbs stabilize insulin production in the body which supports healthy reproductive hormones, eating fast carbs such as white breads and potatoes increase sugar production int he body and can through hormone levels off

_________________________________________________________________________

pumpkin seeds

 PUMPKIN SEEDS- Iron

  • Pumpkin seeds can support female fertility but is more known to increase sperm and testosterone levels
  • High in Iron as well as beets, tomatoes and whole grains

_________________________________________________________________________________

pomegranate

BERRIES, CITRUS & POMEGRANATE- Vitamin C

  • Super anti-oxidant and high in Vitamin C
  • Vitamin C is an anti-inflammatory and immune boosting vitamin that supports good sperm quality and count and can help prevent miscarriage

_________________________________________________________________________________

coumadin-and-vitamin-k-imageGREENS-Folate & Vitamin B

  • Kale, Spinach, broccoli you name it…if it’s green you can’t get enough!
  • High in folate and vitamin B which supports and possibly improves ovulation and healthy sperm!

________________________________________________________________________________

pouring milk in a glass isolated against white backgroundWHOLE MILK Calcium

  • Yep, dairy all the way! Whole  milk in yogurt, ice cream, cheese or a glass of milk (yuck! sorry I did not even eat dairy until I got pregnant and now I crave it daily!) protects against infertility
  • Apparently skim and low fat milk can have the opposite affect according to Dr. Jorge Chavarro co-author of The Fertility Diet, a new book which did extensive research on nurses attempting to conceive.

________________________________________________________________________________

13247110-lentils-mung-beans-and-chickpeas-assortment

MORE BEANS/LESS MEATProtein

  • Lentils,  chickpeas, kidney beans and nuts YUM!
  • In the same study mentioned above woman who had a higher diet of animal protein had a more difficult time attempting to conceive! Possibly due to all the hormones in our meat.

_______________________________________________________________________________

gpp005p-green-pasture-blue-ice-fermented-cod-liver-oil-liquid-plain-8oz

FERMENTED COD LIVER OIL Vitamin D & A

  • It’s just sooo good for you! But it can taste sooo bad!
  • Boost hormone production and reduce inflammation in the body

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/5-primal-superfoods-for-fertility-and-pregnancy/#axzz2l2Lo9hgx

_________________________________________________________________________________

RELATED LINKS FOR FERTILITY BOOSTING DIETS:

Iva Keen’s Natural Fertility Prescription : http://natural-fertility-prescription.com/fertility-boosters/

Stillwater Fertility Clinic: http://eatlocalgrown.com/article/top-10-foods-to-enhance-fertility.html

Fertile Soul: http://thefertilesoul.com/Nutrition/?tag=cooking-for-fertility

Fertile Ground- Part 2: Manifest Destiny!

I am a firm believer in preparation, like setting the atmosphere and intention before an important change in your life. I’m comforted at times by my to-do lists or manifestation guides. They help to keep me focused.

Tuning into my body and observing the Earth’s rhythms and moon cycles has been an empowering practice I’ve cultivated throughout my life and it became even more valuable and powerful when working towards conception. 

These are just some suggestions if you are laying the foundation for fertility:

(*Please adapt accordingly! If you have a partner (male or female) some of this work can be done together. If you have a known sperm donor you can invite them to participate in some of their own fertility groundwork.)

fertility tree, costa rica

our found fertility tree in costa rica

1. Surround yourself with fertility. Print images of fertility goddess or ripe round pregnant women. Find fertility in a lush landscape, ripe fruit trees, rolling rivers.

What resonates with you?  Bite into fresh fruit, something sexy like a mango and feel  the juices running down your face.

Pick berries, swim in lakes and rivers, soak up the sun, walk barefoot, take a belly dancing class…just do things that make you feel alive, luscious, sensuous and strong.

Think of an abundant time in your life or place that fills you with joy and have those images surrounding you.

venus of willendorf

venus of willendorf

 2. Build a fertility altar- Make it meaningful to you.

Create a small area, even just be a table top in a quite spot. Your bedroom might be the perfect intimate space, where you can sit and meditate or reflect upon it daily. Image is a powerful tool to speak with the subconscious, using image where possible is a wonderful way to build and hold intention for what you are wanting to manifest.

Our thoughts and intentions are energy that has the power to be seeds of the future.  What are you sprouting? Visualize, visualize, visualize!

  • Images of yourself (and or partner or family) at various stages in your life, starting with the youngest image you have.
  • Fresh flowers blooming or seeds in soil from your garden.
  • A red cloth or  a red candle to represent life blood.
  • A bowl of water to connect with the vital life force of creation.
  • Images or figures of fertility Goddesses such as Mary, Brigid, Ix Chel, Gaia, Demeter, Corn Maiden.
  • An egg or egg shaped rock, something phallic or sperm representative
  • Affirmations such as: “I am a fertile goddess”; “I am a sacred vessel for life”; “I surrender to the power of creation” ; “I am abundant and full of life force potential”
  • Other images, or items that represent abundance, fertility, sensuality or family to you.
  • If you are using an unknown sperm donor and have their profile or profile number placing this on your conception altar can build an energetic alignment between the two (three) of you before and during the insemination process

Whatever you place there, these items should reflect  and invoke a fullness and bring joy and heart warming feelings to you. If your Great Aunt Mildred gave you her wedding ring and she was an important person in your family lineage this might be a powerful medicine item to be on your altar. But if Aunt Mildred was a wretched old bat and you think the ring is ugly don’t put it on your altar just as a symbol to represent your family lineage.

cornucopia

cornucopious delight

3. Eat, breath, drink fertility.

Apparently sugar, caffeine, cigarettes and alcohol are NOT delicious and nutritious for egg/sperm development?!

I’m not going to say to get pregnant you must eat pure organic food or to only drink spring water. Let’s get real people get pregnant all the time in the least optimal health and wellness.  Not that those choices can’t be potentially beneficial to your overall wellbeing, but, make good choices for yourself. There may be somethings you need to cut back on, or supplements that can generate more health, stamina and life force in your body.

Eating fertility enriching foods that can reduce inflammation in the body, support regulation of hormones, regular ovulation and strengthen egg quality.

The Fertility Vitamins and Minerals are: B6, B12,  Folic Acid, Vitamin D, Vitamin E, Vitamin C, Calcium, Zinc and Iron.  (More to come on this topic with direct links to other sites)

spend time in nature

spend time in nature

4. Be in your body- Connect with the Earth

We all come from the Earth and go back to the Earth. Our bodies are our vehicles while we are here. If you have body issues take a closer look at that and attempt to soften your self image. Be kind, gentle, and self nurturing. Your body will be the home for new life. Treat it with compassion and love.

If you never exercise, or take a moment to slow down, walk in nature; listen to your breath; now might be a great time to attempt that yoga class, take a walk in the ravine, learn how to meditate…believe me everyone can meditate for at least 5 minutes a day. Creating time to cultivate your intentions and fill yourself with life force enhances your vitality and aligns you to being the sacred vessel that you already are.

Developing a relationship with the Earth Mother has been a vital part of my life. Following Her rhythms has supported me through many challenges. It can be very nourishing to find a tree or spot outside and just be. To listen and to breathe.

sacred sperm and egg

sacred sperm and egg

5. Create something new, especially with the focus of fertility or conception in mind.

 Loversauce and I painted a conception image and placed it on our altar for many months in preparation for conception. We chose colours that felt strong to us and painted the golden sperm connecting with the silvery blue egg. To us it was charged with life force and our intentions for that one miraculous moment.  We sent the image to Skippy (our sperm donor) as well so that he could hold the same visualization as us.

Fertile Ground- Setting the Foundation for Conception- Part 1

black swallowtail caterpillar- "big joe"

big joe- a black swallowtail caterpillar

It was April 2012 when our friends Blade and Reznor came into town one weekend tracking their ovulation cycle and their sperm donor to Toronto. It was actually their first insemination and we were hosting!

It couldn’t have been more perfect timing the fecundity in our house was bomping. We were hatching three species of butterflies and had just found out our male snake was actually a female when she popped out 23 (unfertilized) eggs!

The room in our basement that I use for  meditation and yoga became the womb chamber. I set out to print fertility goddess images and ripe pregnant bellies, quotes on motherhood and golden sperm to set the tone.

The rendez-vous was to happen in the early morning before their donor, Ebert, had to get to some meetings. We all ate breakfast and giggled as we picked out some internet porn we thought might assist Ebert with his “task at hand”- you know, just to make him more comfortable to walk into a house with four lesbians eager for him to do his business and help make a baby already!

It was a pretty surreal and comical experience to be an observer for and also we felt so blessed that we could be a part of it. Wait, let me clarify we didn’t “observe” all the processes  involved but there was ample discussion about textures and volumes and angles of syringes and B12 supplements. So I felt like I was right in there, taking notes.

And not that day, but Blade, Reznor and Ebert did create a beautiful baby boy who was born in August 2013.

So we decided after that to set our  foray into familydom for the following April, 2013.

And now to prepare….

first flight! red admiral on clematis

first flight! red admiral on clematis